This is what you call burnout.

Challenge Accepted

27: What it Takes to Come Alive

26: Breathe

Grades.

Unnecessary stressors.

Confusion.

Constraints.

25: Worth

Times like these make me wonder: where am I on your list?

24: Health and Advertising

It was an adventure going from our school in Ortigas to UST in Espana. We were one hour late and were a bit disheveled, but the 30-minute interview we did with an Advertising expert for an article we were working on went really swell. Talking about health and art/advertising, a mash-up of two of my passions in life, never fails to negate my hunger and exhaustion. I'm really looking forward to our next interviews with the DOH, a Marketing expert, and some laypeople.

23: Silence

I don't know if you understand the situation I'm in in the way I actually experience it. Your silence confuses me.

22: Green

Please listen. Please be interested. It made me feel that you didn't care.

21: Family

Being with people you love, even if you are not talking or doing anything fun or spectacular or different with them, even if you just see them from the other side of the table or gaze at them through a crack in the door, makes all the other things that we thought mattered so much seem nothing.

20: Know One's Self

"Self-knowledge and self-discipline form the fountain for staying alive."

19: Limitless

Up to what point should we strive to be better? Up to what point should we strive to want more?

18: Work It

My coordination, active listening skills, and lower extremities muscle strength were tested by Step. My booty-shaking capability was tested by Zumba.

I still can't get over the fact that we danced to the tune of Super Bass, aerobics-style.

17: Decisions

Today, I made a big decision--a decision I've been struggling to put a pin on for so long.

It was a decision that liberated me and kept me caged at the same time.

16: Okay

It wasn't stellar, but I actually did survive my exam despite not being to able to study enough. Thank you, Lord. You will always be my source of relief from all the stress, fears and confusion. A part of my Sundays will always be spent with you.

15: At Peace

I'm far from finished in reviewing for my exam tomorrow, but weirdly, I feel a certain kind of peace. Usually I'm teary-eyed and panicky at this point--like a heavy typhoon over the sea, creating heights of uncontrollable, explosive waves. Amazingly though, I'm calm. The calm comparable to that of a smooth-flowing, fresh-water spring, with birds sweetly chirping and the slight hush of the wind complementing its serenity. I don't know if this is just me and my rationalization of learned helplessness, or if I really feel that I can survive this.

Come to think of it, I will survive this, actually. I believe. I know He won't let me down.

14: Artsy Fartsy Happy

Borbs and I went to Ayala Museum for Ang Ilustrador ng Kabaataan's (INK) 20th Anniversary Exhibit today. It was hard to decide on whether or not we should still go there since we both were far from done with reviewing for our exam on Monday, but since I've waited for this for so long and there was a talk to be held that I badly wanted to listen to, we went. No regrets, just love. Hihi.

I'd write about the whole INK exhibit experience in another entry, but for fresh-retrieval-from-memory purposes, I felt a little high while I was there. Haha. But seriously, it was a different kind of happy. I realized that being in med school should not stop me from exposed to new things and to things I love. Although the exhibit was bitin for me, the talk really opened my eyes about the Children's books and literature industry.

Note to self: Do more stuff that you love :)

Now, back to panic-studying!

13: Lucky

Contrary to popular belief, Friday the 13ths are not always destined for bad luck. Today is actually one extra lucky and memorable day for me, and until now, I still feel giddy and warm inside from all the good vibes.

• Was assigned to an awesome preceptor for History-taking (Hx) and Physical Exam (PE) of the thyroid gland. I learned so much--both theoretical and clinical.
• Got an actual patient for Hx and PE for the first time ever. It was nerve-wracking yet exciting to examine a patient with goiter, learning about the disease first-hand.
• Was given the opportunity to help our goiter patient by referring her to an Endocrinology fellow at The Medical City.
• Our patient even had her picture taken with us as a form of memorabilia. Sweet :)
• Understood individual differences more through the Enneagram disscussion for our MBA Leadership class. As in an eye-opening, "ah kaya naman palaaa" level! Made me understand a lot of people and why they're the way they are more.
• Had an awesome time with some UP Psych people during our mini get-together at Ristras and Serenitea in San Juan! I enjoyed catching up, looking at our yearbook, and reminiscing, my heart was actually crying in happiness inside. I miss UP. I miss Psych. I miss Mandala X. Shocks, batch reunion na 'tooo! Haha.
• Bonded with my mom and my brother on our way home. Heart-to-heart moments joined with lots of laugh trips.
• Getting to sleep in tomorrow morning, wohooo! I love Friday nights!

12: Lists

What would I do without them.

11: Nation-Building

Helping build a better nation, one plate a time.

Sometimes, we just have to be reminded of the bigger picture, the greater expanse of where our actions can lead to and what differences we could make.

10: Sherly

And bit by bit, I am falling in fondness with action movies.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows was awesome, effects and production-wise. But in terms of mystery-induced awe, I think the first movie was way better. Nonetheless, for both installments, Robert Downey Jr. never failed to took my breath away with his incredible wit and charm. Hihihi.

9: Slow Dance to This

What a song.

8: Simple Things

I was typing a rather contemplative post just a few seconds ago, but then I decided to kill everything with a backspace and typed a different title: SIMPLE THINGS.

The simple things that made me happy today are the following:

1. Spending time with Borbs (in my brother's words, DAral = Date + Aral hahaha)
2. Attending mass
3. Watching the Coca Cola video with the adorable lolo. It made me miss you, Papa :(
4. Cracking pick-up lines with my brother
5. Talking to my mom over the phone
6. Knowing tomorrow is a new day to be better :)

I was a bit BV a while ago, but now, I can't help but feel good inside. Simple things like these remind us that life is better enjoyed with the people and stuff that matter than wasted on unimportant and impermanent blunders, problems or mishaps :)

7: Dreaming

I want to bake cupcakes.

I want to beat box.

I want to dance.

I want to travel.

I want to take photos.

I want to design.

I want to watch TV.

I want to know all the beautiful places in the Philippines.

I want to raise beautiful kids.

I want to paint.

I want to be a beauty queen.

I want to write.

I want my own coffee shop and art/book store.

I want to teach art.

I want to teach kids.

I want to play the flute.

I want to make the lives of sick children better.

I want to draw.

I want to love.

I want to take care of my family.

I want to memorize all words in the dictionary.

I want to make old people smile.

I want to read.

I want to be happy.

6: Weak

It sucks to be sick.

5: Of Being A Writer

I love words. Everyday, we rely on their uncontainable power. Words are spelled out to explain and to ponder, to praise and to shriek, to wonder and to grieve. Words are left when thoughts and ideas wander and leave, when memories are replaced by today and tomorrow. Words speak of what cannot be spoken of and expressed.

Words tell. In its simplest forms and lengths and components, words live on.

4: Patience

"With patience comes victory." True to those words, waiting for 40 minutes for an FX (fare worth P15) to avoid having to fall in line in the FX terminal (fare worth P25) or taking a cab (worth P60-P70) was worth it. When I was about to give up because my mom was angrily texting me why I still was not home and my bladder was already expanded near its limits, I calmly counted from 1 to 60. If, after one minute, there is still no FX in sight, I would ride one of the many, many cabs passing by me instead. But, lo and behold, when I was at line of 5 already, there came an FX.

It's amazing how life shows you the value of patience.

3: Boring

Jokes are always half-meant. Most of the time, then, jokes are half-hurtful.

2: Gym

It's a given that I love to observe people, even to the point of staring at them. Some might think of it as disrespectful, but I'm just amazed by how different we all are, how different we lead our lives, how different our circumstances come to be. Even in a Zumba class where everyone is popping their bellies or shaking their glutes, I can't help but observe.

That tall and pretty girl.. What could she be doing for a living? She looks fit and perky, and she actually dances well. But her arms needs a bit of work.

That chubby woman who can't seem to follow the steps.. I wonder how she feels about her weight. I wonder how determined she is to lose some pounds. I wish that despite her figure, her boyfriend/husband continues to love her very much.

That old woman who is still able to move to the beat.. Her heart apparently is strong and healthy. I am amused by how she manages to keep up even with the complicated steps. She has this certain glow, and I wish I would be like her when I also reach my 70s or 80s.

Our gay Zumba instructor, whose pink Nike rubber shoes look pretty.. Is his hair naturally curly like that? Why does he still have a tummy despite teaching dance class every other day? I would love to have his work-out top, though, with the Zumba logo on it. I wonder how much that top costs.

I can go on endlessly, talking about my musings about people--people who I came across the street but will never meet, people who stepped on my foot while going aboard the jeep, people who sit in front of me during one mass, people who I sit beside with in an FX. Whether I'm riding the MRT, or shopping at the grocery, or (sleepily) reading in the library, my eyes and mind would flutter in awe. Because really, it's a wonder how varied we are as human beings but, despite how different our respective challenges are in life, we all strive to survive.

1: Never Alone

Today, I decided that I would hear mass every Sunday. I went to Megamall, read One Day while I fell in the long queue of people waiting to get into the Chapel of the Eucharistic Lord, and, once in, I found myself a seat in the upper front row where I can see the priest's face clearly. It was kind of weird, being alone among families and couples, but it was refreshing at the same time. In a way, I felt one with the people, the church. I felt one with Him. And then I realized, I was actually not alone. We are never alone. As long as we have faith, we will never be alone.

New Beginning

I realized that writing is therapeutic for me, so I think I should write more. On an everyday basis, even. I know it'll be hard to write daily, but there's no harm in trying, right? With that said, my Project 365 has just been resurrected. So that no matter what happens to me in 2012, at least it's all well-documented. Haha.